let’s get ahead of ourselves.

i see the future, and it involves me loving You forever.
   dizzying to think that You’re the only one i could truly promise that certainty.

piano and cello and the lazy whir of a fan overhead. these thoughts, building and breaking at the shore of my mind. i’m riding them, exhilarated, overwhelmed. water in my eyes, my mouth maybe. i taste the salt, and it’s not a new feeling. i see you (lowercase you) waving to me, and it is new. the surge is carrying me to you. i need the brief steadiness of Your hand on the small of back so i can make it. You push me.

someone yanked the cord, and the blinds went flying up in a rattle of plastic and dust. it had been so long, so very long. i’m not used to the light flooding in, not used to the sun patterns amber on my floor.  of course, i’m nervous. (of course, i’ve just chewed all my nails again, of course)