passports in our pockets and tricks up our sleeves.

oh the glory of travel.
of places, things.
getting away.

spent the weekend in charleston. felt myself being quiet, and i couldn’t pull myself out of it. i was too immersed in my thoughts, i suppose. we walked the cobbled streets of downtown charleston…stood staring at narrow, million dollar homes. i thought about how i want to paint the ceiling of my porch sky blue. my sister and i talked. the up and down of her life, the peaks and valleys, like a heart monitor. i followed that green line with sadness.

how must it feel to be stuck? i thought about as we walked and when we ate, on the patio of some restaurant, with rain heavy in the air. i thought about it in the middle of the night when i woke up to deafening cracks of thunder and wild rain. my sister’s phone buzzed with a text message, a stand-by, and i thought about it.

i’m sure this isn’t what she planned or wanted when she was eighteen.

going to coffee with an old friend on tuesday. for some crazy reason, the thought of catching up, dredging up all the stories of the past year makes me terrified. regrets for things done or undone? am i/was i satisfied? this is my life. here, now. every second that passes is forever preserved, and there’s no way change can be made. the present is the past?

i can say honestly my life is mostly beautiful.
beautiful, i’d say, in its deliberacy.
i’ve chosen all this.