i think this is my punishment for all those times i told kelli “your time will come.”

sometimes, i believe it is necessary to soak in a delicious melancholy. to be in a bad mood, for no apparent reason, and air out all the day’s disgruntlements. maybe your family or housemates will be puzzled by your sudden glumness, but it’s ok. don’t offer an explanation for your mood or try to seem happy. just smile, and take yourself to the kind of place where your melancholy can slowly open in its fullest, bluest bloom. the reasons for this gloominess are probably not silly, but if they are, it’s ok. sit in your bathtub, climb into your bed, gun your car…stew in your jealousy, annoyance, bitterness, frustation, etc….for a little while, a brief little while. (too long, and you’ll pickle in it, your skin pruning up like raisins, forever tasting and smelling briny, sour) and then, when enough time has passed, pull the stopper on the disagreeble emotions…let them slide down the the drain, a spinning tornado.

this should relieve that pressure, that feeling like maybe you’ve been cheated out of something once again, that maybe your life will always be like this, that maybe everyone else is too glamorous, that maybe you don’t fit here anymore, that maybe you’re being outshined.

because after all this, you will listen to death cab for cutie, or perhaps broken social scene (whatever does it for you), and you will stand up, close the book you’ve been hiding in for the past hour, and pour a glass of orange juice. you will sit in the silence of a late-night kitchen, with only one light on, and enjoy yourself.