glimpses.

pieces of my life that i’m happy i lived.
brief images, flashes of color, bits of sound…

1.reading books on Saturday afternoons in the swing as a kid, my bare feet tracing circles in the warm summer dust.
2. waffle house at six a.m. with my dad, watching the sky turn from blue to pink.
3. the first i time i snuck out, jumping in the back of some boy’s truck at three a.m., eating an apple.
4. falling off the screeming meemie the second time, my hand-sized bruise that accompanied it.
5. grass fight with MJ after midnight, on a rainy summer night…grass down my shirt, sticking to my legs, his smile, my dimples.
6. two days old Gabriel falling asleep on my chest in a still, quiet house.
7. jumping in the lake in my white tee shirt, on a dare…the look of admiration MJ gave me when i surfaced, water dripping off my eyelashes.
8. walking around the goldfish pool on a quiet sunday afternoon at age five, trying so carefully to balance, falling in.
9. the back of the four wheeler at three a.m, my arms around Rucker, wind on my face.
10. crying tears of relief by the pool in the harsh heat of summer afternoon, on the phone with kelli.
11. my mom’s hug the day i told her i wasn’t a littel girl anymore.
12. talking to josh in brevard by the campfire long after everyone else was asleep.
13. laying on the patio outside our dorm with beth at five a.m., listening to andy davis, one earbud in my ear, the other in hers.
14. convention at age 14…opening my eyes, teary, and knowing God had just healed the sting of years of rejection.
15. praying with ellie on her bedroom floor, hands clasped, me going first, like usual.
16. pancake eating contest with the rudes at age eight, watching caleb, my first crush, demolish a stack of ten.
17. history lessons with my mom in bedroom…her back against my bed, my back on the floor with my legs on the bad, talking.
18. early morning drives to morningstar with the windows down on the freeway and selah blasting.
19. a glass of red wine, dry toast, and fitzgerald late at night in my 600 thread count sheets.
20. the hard won A on my first dr. jones paper.
21. my first blister from my first pair of pointe shoes.
22. a rooftop conversation and chardonnay.
23. laying on the trampoline talking to my far away first love, the moon hanging full over my head.
24. winning the freshman writer of the year award in complete shock, walking down that long, long aisle to accept it in my sweats and tee shirt.
25. sleeping outside in the pouring rain by choice.
26. waking up in rachel’s twin bed to the smell of coffee and mrs. patty’s whole grain pancakes.
27. the smell of the clinton library.
28. redecorating my room on a whim in the middle of the night, rachel spinning widly around to measure yardage.
29. falling asleep with my head on a boy’s shoulder for the first time.
30. rows and rows of tealights for my parents’ “candlelight dinner” when i was a kid.
31. olivia’s tiny hands on my cheeks, sunshine in the window to wake me up.
32. the squeak of the rocking chair in the early morning, my mother rocking my asthmatic brother back to sleep.
33. picking spring’s first wildflowers in cari’s backyard.
34. someone’s living room floor, all night conversation with liz mcclellan.
35. falling asleep on the phone.
36. rick, lee, and andrew banging on the skylight to wake us up.
37. two distinct pairs of blue eyes.
38. lights on my face, feet numb in my pointe shoes, chill tingling up and down my entire body during the finale.
39. saying goodbye to chris on my driveway at five a.m. in the orange glow of the streetlight, awkward hug.
40. saturday morning breakfast with my family…eggs, biscuits, bacon, black coffee, huckleberry jelly from my cousins in montana.
41. my mother’s face on christmas morning when i recite the chapter i memorized for her.
42. my dad’s quiet, tight hug on the day i leave for college.
43. bawling the entire way home, tears blurring the road, when i say goodbye to kelli.
44. french movie alone in my bed, fan stirring air lazily above me.
45. the first text message that says i love you.
46. opening the bakery at ungodly hours, grinding and brewing coffee with mae in my ears.
47. holding hands the first time, his finger tracing slow circles in my palm.
48. laundry in the middle of the night with beth, conversation on top of dryers and washers.
49. sitting on the front porch after dinner in summer, on the phone in my pjs, waiting for MJ to come over.
50. getting lost with jessica on a late night, the beautiful brutal truth of our conversation.
51. my first cigar, with chris and jess, backs against a hay bale, sky full of stars.
53. dinner with my family after daylight savings ended, broccoli on my plate, dark night outside.
54. selling door to door car washes rather successfully, the taste of the nice lady’s lemonade.
55. swimming lessons with mrs. barlow when she taught me to scoop the sun like it was icecream.
56. splitting a can of tuna and two slices of pepper jack cheese with rachel.
57. the white flower MJ tucked behind my ear in dusk, during summer.
58. slow dance with mb.
59. bruce’s massage after nine hours of rehearsal.
60. staying up all night with kelli, laughing, contemplating roosters and chickens.
61. seeing rebecca sitting on the swing outside my dorm, a surprise.
62. watching the yale episode from season four of gilmore girls with my mom, getting her addicted.
63. watching garden state the first time.
64. raking leaves in mississippi with my family.
65. catching flreflies with the glunks.
66. walking in the pouring, pouring rain with MJ on my sixteenth birthday.
67. spring break…late afternoon conversation about kissing.
68. night time at the beach, listening to copeland, thinking, alone.
69. taking kelli past 100 for her first time, cresting the hill, adrenaline.
70. climbing the watertower in the dark, backs pressed flat against it, houses looking tiny, lights glowing, sliver of a gold moon.
71. breathless from laughing with ellie.
72. the sound of my bare feet on the glunks’ kitchen floor.
73. the double ding-dong when kaitlin rang out door bell constantly
74. my first two piece.
75. decorating the christmas tree in our mississippi house, dark room save for the glow of tangled christmas lights, christmas music in the background.
76. my dad’s face when he heard my SAT english score.
77. chillbumps from my hair being played with.
78. driving like madwomen with cari and kelli, blasting rap in a quiet elderly neighborhood, laughing hysterically.
79. skipping algebra with rachel to buy cranberry orange muffins and coffee and plan our college life.
80. tights and leotard in a cold studio, the feel of muscles finally warming and stretching.
81. having shabbat with my dance company, jewish prayers by candlelight, tiny glasses of wine.
82. blogging in 10th grade.
83. taste of dreamsicles on the front porch with my little brother and ellie.
84. playing hot seat in d.c. with my youth group.
85. ecco domini, pasta, and kate havenik on a rainy night before exams in the car with jess.
86. story time in the library on tuesday mornings with ms. merrie.
87. skipping class to take a nap on quilts in the sunshine, rolling over three hours with sunburn and a smile.
88. ruined toes and sorest muscles of my lifetime from morningstar rehearsal.
89. the smell of rachel’s line-dried sheets.
90. hide and seek with rick sullivan.
91. the first good photographs i ever took.
92. the way it felt to slip into that cold pool with ben and chris in the middle of the night.
93. marching all the down and all the way back nimmich lane with devin and rachel.
94. thrifting in chicago with beth and liz.
95. waking up to a soy latte and my sister’s note.
96. yelling at rachel on the dark porch, sticking up for myself and my family, for once.
97. my first eric skelton show in jammin java, with the girls and henry, b.jo and the origin of my green eyes drink.
98. josh leaving tiramisu on my porch.
99. getting out of the shower, drying off in a big red towel, finding hearts on my gel bottle.
100. five of us wedged in a big bed every night on spring break, falling asleep to movies and eventually good conversation.